Omg! These hilarious Mugabe quotes will surely make your day and leave you laughing so hard you may even pee on your pants.
President of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe
Zimbabwe鈥檚 president Robert Mugabe who has been in power for 29 years and still refused to relinquish it has become yet another thing of jest as many blame him for the woes of his country.
According to , here is a compiled list of jokes allegedly attributed to the president that will make you laugh and pee in your pants.
They are an odd choice of words and crazy comparisons that always leaves many in stitches. The off-the-wall quotable quotes linger on the mind for long. There are many random hilarious quotes that have been attributed to the octogenarian.
Sample the following:
1.) 鈥淭reat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.鈥
2.) 鈥淪ome women鈥檚 legs are like rumours, they just keep on spreading.鈥
3.) 鈥淚t鈥檚 hard to bewitch African girls these days because each time you take a piece from her hair to the witchdoctor, either an innocent Brazilian woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.鈥
4.) 鈥淚t鈥檚 better for a man to be stingy with the money he has hustled for, than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didn鈥檛 even drill it herself.鈥
5.) 鈥淒on鈥檛 fight over girlfriends. This country is full of beautiful women. If you can鈥檛 get one, come to Mugabe for assistance.鈥
6.) 鈥淚f you are ugly; you are ugly 鈥 stop talking about inner beauty because we don鈥檛 walk around with X-ray machines to determine such claims.鈥
7.) 鈥淒ear sister, don鈥檛 be deceived by a man who text you 鈥淚 miss you鈥 only when it鈥檚 raining. You are not an umbrella.鈥
8.) 鈥淐heck your girlfriend鈥檚 body, if she has more tattoos or piercings, you can cheat on her. She is already used to pain.鈥
9.) 鈥淪ome of you girls can鈥檛 even jog for five minutes, but expect a guy to last in bed with you for two hours? Madness! Your level of selfishness demands a one-week salvation crusade.鈥
10.) 鈥淕od is the best inventor ever. He took a rib from a man and created a loudspeaker!鈥
11.) 鈥淚f women think having their periods (menstruation) in a whole month is a difficult task, they should ask the men how difficult it is to control an erect (memeber) in public.鈥
12.) 鈥淪ometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real.鈥
13.) When debate on homosexuality hit fever pitch some time back, with US president Barack Obama championing for the rights of gay men, good old 鈥楤ob鈥 scoffed: 鈥淚f President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first.鈥
14.) As if that wasn鈥檛 enough, he threw in yet another deft claim: 鈥淓ven Satan wasn鈥檛 gay, at the Garden of Eden, he chose to approach unclad Eve instead of unclad Adam.鈥
15.) On the numerous rumours about his death, the octogenarian is rumoured to have once quipped: 鈥淚 have died many times. I have actually beaten Jesus Christ because he only died once鈥.
16.) When Western envoys threatened to slap sanctions on Zimbabwe a while back, a furious 鈥楳ugabe鈥 is quoted to have hissed: 鈥淲e don鈥檛 mind having sanctions banning us from Europe. We are not Europeans, after all鈥.
17.) On the economy comrade Bob was once quoted as having said: 鈥Our economy is a hundred times better than most African countries. Outside South Africa, which other country has a better economy than Zimbabwe? The only thing we lack are good on shelves and money in our pockets 鈥 that鈥檚 it.鈥
18.) When reading Western leaders the riot act in the past, Bob, in a fit of fury, is quoted as having once said: 鈥淭he only white man you can trust is a dead one鈥. 鈥淵ou come take gold and leave holes in my country, no!鈥 .